Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Gone Now Back

I have been a bit AWOL and missing out on a lot here at RFR.  My new job has been SO very stressful and it has affected the way I eat.  Some days I couldn't eat because of the knots in my stomach.

Earlier in April I went to a women's retreat sponsored by my church.  I almost didn't go because there was so much work to be done but I needed to go.  Friday night and all Saturday all that went through my mind was what I had forgotten to finish during the week and who I didn't call.  Finally, Saturday night during our worship and prayer time I asked God to help me with my new job.  Help with time management, organization, and all that goes into a supervisor position.

In the middle of this call for help, I heard God very clearly speak to me.  His voice was so clear I actually peeked at the chair beside me!  His word to me was, "I want you home."  Just those four words.  My mind began to race.  "But God!", I said, "You know our finances.  I have to work!"  But His words just raced through my mind.

I asked a friend of mine after prayer time how she would interpret his words.  Was it wishful thinking because my new job was not what I had thought it would be?  Was it because for the past year and a half I have been arguing with God against staying home because we need the money?  (I WANT to stay home, don't get me wrong.  That is my and my husband's heart desire!)

My friend prayed, asking God to protect my mind from the swirling thoughts about work so that I could enjoy the worship and the rest of the weekend.  And He did!  He is so faithful!  I relaxed.  My mind was clear.  No knots in my stomach.  But I still needed to think on His words to me.

As we were leaving the retreat, my roommate (and new friend) said, "Molly, maybe this job is a 2 x 4 for you."  I knew exactly what she meant.

It has taken nearly a month, but I finally came to a decision about my job.  It was a difficult decision because I'm not a quitter and in this field this is a horrible time to leave.  But my health was beginning to suffer and I had a feeling of dread each morning I woke up.  Last Friday I gave my two week's notice.  Oh the peace I have about this decision!  I have missed out on so many opportunities to be God's hands and feet because I was too busy "earning good money".

While the money was VERY good, doing what God wants is even better and I know He's got our back (and front, top, bottom, middle...).  I am nervous but excited at the same time.  Is this how I should feel?  Nervous about one less income but so very excited about the opportunities God will give our family because of obedience in this small area?

Our family will definitely have to lean on the support of God and know that He has nothing but good planned for us.  I am feeling better and working out how I can be the Proverbs 31 wife and am so excited for what God has for our future.

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