Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Sabotage! and Organized Eating

I don't know why it happens.  Things seem to be going okay (food-wise), losing weight and inches, feeling good, and... KAPOW!  It happens.  A weak moment.  Something slips past the lips and begins a downward spiral of SAD gnoshing and munching that I seem powerless to stop.  

I have been on a junk food binge for a couple weeks and I cannot seem to get off.  I have smoothie makings and made a great fennel, apple, raisin salad the other day.  What makes me crave stuff that is so bad for me?  Why am I so powerless to resist?  I know what it does to me and how it makes me feel.  

I feel like Paul.  I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I know I need to do.  

I have some great fresh foods in the house.  Perhaps if I were better organized in my eating.  Instead of winging my meals, which is easy to do when you cook food, it isn't the best thing for fresh raw foods because there is often prep-time involved.  

That's it... I need to be better organized.  Not necessarily better stocked, just better planning with what I have.  I have never been good at planning ahead and that trait often causes me some stress.

That will be my one goal for the week.  Better planning with my food.  Instead of a drive-thru I'll
have a packed cooler.  One step at a time.  Rome wasn't built in a day and I sure can't change a
lifetime of bad habits overnight.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

It Fits!

After 20 years, a gift my thoughtful husband gave me fits.  Here is the story:

20 years ago I was pregnant with our second child.  At Christmas the office I worked was planning it's usual Christmas party (always a dress-up affair).  The other girls were on diets to lose weight so they could fit into their beautiful slinky dresses.  I on the other hand was putting on weight at six months pregnant and feeling anything but pretty.  The party came and we all have a wonderful time.

Christmas morning:  hubby and I are sitting on the living room floor watching daughter #1 open her presents.  Hubs gives me a thin, wrapped box.  I open the box and inside the tissue paper is a candy apple red satin lingerie set with a camisole top and tap pants.  As I looked at this gift he told me,  "I know you were upset that the girls in the office were trying to lose weight and you're gaining because you're pregnant.  But I know you'll be wearing this soon.  I thought you would look pretty in it."

Well, it's been 20 years since he gave me that gift and I have never been able to wear it.  This morning I saw it in my drawer and thought, "Why not try it on?"  It fits!  The elastic in the taps is pretty much gone (whose isn't after 20 years?!)  but the lingerie fits!  I think I'll surprise my hubby this weekend and thank him for such a loving and thoughtful gift!

Foods That Just Don't Seem As Tempting

I receive several different email notifications from different types of foodie bloggers, raw, vegan, not raw.  The other day I received a post about a coconut baked flat round thing (you can guess, I just didn't want to type it).  This morning I finally opened it expecting it would be one of those recipes to be printed and saved (I am a recipe, cookbook, uncookbook collector).  But when I opened it and looked at the baked flat round thing it didn't set off any sirens, bells or whistles.  I just looked at it and thought, "Eh.  It's a coconut baked flat round thing."  No mouth watering, racing pulse, nothing.

But when I opened the picture of Bryan Au's Bear Claw the drooling mechanism kicked in big time!  Don't get me wrong, I still love to bake and cook, but will admit that even if I snitch a baked treat it just doesn't seem the same as it did say two years ago.  It's still good, just not satisfying.  Does that make sense?

When I first started green smoothies two years ago I would try raw "baked" goods but just couldn't "do" the texture.  It seems so heavy when I had my mouth set for light and fluffy.  It would be nice to find light and fluffy raw goodies, but with my desire for tastes and textures changing, light and fluffy may not be what I like anymore.  We'll see.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Gone Now Back

I have been a bit AWOL and missing out on a lot here at RFR.  My new job has been SO very stressful and it has affected the way I eat.  Some days I couldn't eat because of the knots in my stomach.

Earlier in April I went to a women's retreat sponsored by my church.  I almost didn't go because there was so much work to be done but I needed to go.  Friday night and all Saturday all that went through my mind was what I had forgotten to finish during the week and who I didn't call.  Finally, Saturday night during our worship and prayer time I asked God to help me with my new job.  Help with time management, organization, and all that goes into a supervisor position.

In the middle of this call for help, I heard God very clearly speak to me.  His voice was so clear I actually peeked at the chair beside me!  His word to me was, "I want you home."  Just those four words.  My mind began to race.  "But God!", I said, "You know our finances.  I have to work!"  But His words just raced through my mind.

I asked a friend of mine after prayer time how she would interpret his words.  Was it wishful thinking because my new job was not what I had thought it would be?  Was it because for the past year and a half I have been arguing with God against staying home because we need the money?  (I WANT to stay home, don't get me wrong.  That is my and my husband's heart desire!)

My friend prayed, asking God to protect my mind from the swirling thoughts about work so that I could enjoy the worship and the rest of the weekend.  And He did!  He is so faithful!  I relaxed.  My mind was clear.  No knots in my stomach.  But I still needed to think on His words to me.

As we were leaving the retreat, my roommate (and new friend) said, "Molly, maybe this job is a 2 x 4 for you."  I knew exactly what she meant.

It has taken nearly a month, but I finally came to a decision about my job.  It was a difficult decision because I'm not a quitter and in this field this is a horrible time to leave.  But my health was beginning to suffer and I had a feeling of dread each morning I woke up.  Last Friday I gave my two week's notice.  Oh the peace I have about this decision!  I have missed out on so many opportunities to be God's hands and feet because I was too busy "earning good money".

While the money was VERY good, doing what God wants is even better and I know He's got our back (and front, top, bottom, middle...).  I am nervous but excited at the same time.  Is this how I should feel?  Nervous about one less income but so very excited about the opportunities God will give our family because of obedience in this small area?

Our family will definitely have to lean on the support of God and know that He has nothing but good planned for us.  I am feeling better and working out how I can be the Proverbs 31 wife and am so excited for what God has for our future.
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