October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month

It's been nearly two years since my mom died from breast cancer.  I miss her.  Even though we didn't always get along she was my mom and I loved her.
The hardest part of the cancer was watching my mom's body deteriorate. The last year of her life her mind deteriorated.  That was just one ofe the hardest part.  My quick-witted mom became a six year old little girl.
This year my mom missed the high school graduations of two of her grand kids and the marriage of her oldest granddaughter.  When she first went to CTCA she told everyone there she had to beat the cancer because she had wedding bouquets to make for her four granddaughters.  It was sometimes difficult planning the wedding and knowing how much fun she would have had.


To my mom:  I miss you.  I love you.

Putting on the Pink

Last night our church put on a "Putting on the Pink" party for Breast Cancer Awareness Month (October). It was a lot of fun. Lots of information, good speakers, yoga, massages, and a bone density test. I decided to do the bone density test (I didn't opt for the massage as I'm so knotted up there wasn't enough time to work half of them out). It's a neat machine that is 99% accurate.

It looks kind of like a foot massager. They ask your age first.  You place your foot in the machine and two balloons on either side of your heel inflate. Nothing uncomfortable like a BP cuff. It sits for about 30 seconds or so and deflates. They look at a colored graph on the screen and show you where your bone density is in relation to your age.

I am 46 (next Saturday). Here are the findings of my test:

* On the graph I am above average for my age.

* My T score is 0.0 {T score indicates whether you are above or below the bone density of a healthy 30 year-old, the age when bone density reaches its peak.}

* My Z score is 1.1 {Z score indicates whether you are above or below the bone density of other people your age, sex, and race.}

So, my T score of 0 indicates the average for the healthy, 30 year-old group and my Z score of 1.1 indicates I have higher bone density than my age group.

I have the bone density of a 30-something year old! Se said a good diet, exercise, and lots of greens contribute to higher bone density. I said I green smoothie every day and she just smiled and said green smoothies are great.

I think that is awesome considering my mom lost 8 inches of height at the end of her life and that is something I definitely want to avoid.

MIA

It has been a long month.  After my daughter's wedding I have struggled to stay even 50% raw.  There have been very little juicing and green smoothies the past few weeks.  And you know what?  I feel like blah!  I am really feeling the lack of raw foods, green smoothies, and liquids.  My body is tired, bloated, not sleeping well and I am back to square one in regards to craving sugar.






I really feel discouraged about starting at the dreaded square one, though I don't feel like the past several weeks have been a waste of time.  Do you remember playing Candy Land as a child and you had to go back?  Remember that feeling that you'll never catch back up to the others?  That's how I'm feeling right now on my raw journey.  


I get to join RFR's next 11 week initiative, iVault 4.  I'm really looking forward to all the love and support that is in that wonderful group.  My goal is to have lost the last of my weight, 40 pounds, by the end of the year.  I think I can do it!  I know I can.  I just have to put my big girl panties on and get busy!


I am dealing with some job stress, both mine and my husband's.  When I'm stressed I want to eat and not raw!  Chips and burgers, soda, fries, cookies... well, you get the point.  Really, I just need to give God my stress. He isn't going to let anything happen to us that He isn't in control of.  That is a scary statement, but I believe God wants good things for our family, not harmful things.  I truly believe that.


So, RFR, I am on board!  I WILL lose those last 40 pounds and I am going to be even more beautiful!

Comparisons

I have an awful habit of comparing myself to other women.  Like apples to oranges.  Why can't I be taller?  Why won't my hair do that?  She is so Godly and has her quiet time with God every single day, why won't I do that?  She has it all together and I can't find where I put it.  What is wrong with me?

All self destructive.  It doesn't build me up.  Talk like that doesn't help me feel good about myself or my choices.  It makes me feel like a loser, a failure.  But God doesn't make losers or failures.  Thank goodness!

It's the same with eating raw.  Why can't I motivate myself to do a 3-day juice feast, let alone a 40-day juice feast?  What is wrong with me?  She can do it, why can't I?  She creates delicious raw recipes and stays 100% raw 100% of the time.  She can do it, why can't I?

The thing is, nobody is perfectly perfect 100% of the time.  I just convince myself they are.  If I were to have the chance to talk with them I bet I would find they struggle with food on a daily basis just like me.  We all struggle with something when it comes to changing our eating style.

So what am I comparing myself to?  An image.  A figment of my own imagination.  I've set someone up on a pedestal (where they would probably rather not be) to be imitated.  I am trying to follow something that does not exist:  a perfect person.  Whether it is in the area of Godliness, home, work or eating.  God should be the only One I follow.  I should be comparing myself to Jesus.  I should be looking up to Jesus.  I need to be talking with Jesus about my concerns, doubts, worries, food, whatever because He actually cares about every little thing in my life.

God made me fun-sized (shorter).  So what?!  I'm a perfect fit with my husband.  My hair is thin and fine.  Who cares?  I found a great beautician who makes it look wonderful.  I choose not to have a quiet time with God.  Now that is something to care about.  He cares!  There is nothing wrong with me.  I cannot compare my life with anyone else's because their life is theirs and my life is mine.  My life will never be anyone else's.

And that's a good thing!

Autumn Weather

The weather is finally taking a turn for cooler temperatures.  The other day we had a nice strong breeze that cooled things down.  The only thing missing were the swirling leaves.  Oh I am so ready for cooler temperatures, beautiful bold Autumn colors, the scent of the crisp air, and soup.  Yes, soup.  I always call Autumn and winter "soup season".


Now that I am 95%+ raw vegan I am wondering how I will get through soup season without giant cauldrons of vegetable soup, potatoe soup, chili, chicken noodle and so many more that are accidental bowls of deliciousness.  I know there are several websites with raw soup recipes.  But I may also choose to make caulfrons of vegan soup and raw bread.


This will also be a great time to dehydrate crunchy snacks like kale chips, crackers, and chip chips.  I am gathering winter recipes that use seasonal produce, such as persimmons and pumpkin.


So here's to soup season!  Sweaters and swirling leaves and walks in the park!  Enjoy the season!

What Does Fat Look Like?

It is hard to imagine the weight one loses because we really can't see the fat.  We just know our clothes fit better or we feel better or whatever.  Years ago, when I did W.W., our leader did a visual lesson.  She had her local butcher (meat counter guy) package up 5 lbs. and 10 lbs. of fat.  Talk about a great visual!  To actually see what 5 lbs of fat looked like was mind blowing.

I have lost only 6 pounds but I still remember what the 5 lb. package of fat looks like and I know it is a lot!  See if you butcher will package some out for you.  {Then give it to your friend who makes soap.  She can render it down.}

Below is a visual of what 5 lbs of fat and 5 lbs of muscle look like.  The next time you think, "I have only lost 5 pounds", go to you local market and ask the butcher to show you 5 lbs. of fat.  You'll never say that to yourself again!

It's Been a Long Two Weeks

Well, the wedding is over.  It was absolutely beautiful!  The bride was beautiful, the groom very handsome, the weather was perfect.  So, is anyone wondering how I did on the raw food journey?

Let me tell you.  I didn't do bad but I didn't stay raw.  The week was so busy I forgot to make and drink smoothies, juices, or even water.  There was a bit of finger licking and some taste testing, but not as much as I would done 18 months ago.  That in itself is a positive thing!  Even after all of that I only gained 1 pound.  It could have been worse so I'm not upset with a 1 pound weight gain!

This week has been a little harder to get back on track.  But my weight is actually staying the same.  Having all the leftover wedding treats in the house hasn't helped because my main weakness is pastry.  Any kind of pastry, but especially made-from-scratch cake.

This morning I made 76 ounces of a delicious green smoothie.  So far I've managed to drink about 12 ounces.  :op.

OH!  Good news!  My husband is ready to change how he eats and I am SO very proud of him.  It is such a hard decision to change the way one eats.  Because food is used for more than simply nourishing our bodies.  We use it as an upper, as an antidepressant, to help us not feel lonely or angry or happy, sad and so many other reasons.  However my husband uses food he has decided it is time to change.  To be healthier and eat better.

I can hardly wait for the thinner, sexier (he's always been sexy to me!) hubby!  I am so giddy that he is finally ready to take his health seriously.  For his sake and for the sake of the kids and me.  Send up a prayer we both stay on this journey together!